I don't know what to say, it's been awhile but I find myself wanting to say some things~

The last time I was writing here, I was with a different company, now I am in a new and bigger one which I might actually leave due to personal reasons.

And as usual, my mind and my thoughts are all over the place.

Maybe this is just a way of saying, I am using this page to share my thoughts, once againn.

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Well hello again,

Today, I decided to write about how we feel, whatever it is, it's a choice. If we feel lonely, it's a choice we made, most likely, we're never aware when we're about to choose how we feel. Ever heard the quote "Happiness is a choice."??? so just like any other emotion, it's a choice.

So what would you choose today? 

I'm dying to start my Taichi, Putonghua, Fujianhua and Piano lessons~ otherwise it's Masters' school for me~

There's so many things I want to do and have been dying to start, and the thing is, I am already running out of time. So from here and in the next three years~ I shall be doing WHATEVER things!!!!! 
And besides, it's not like I am a newbie in these things (the above mentioned), this is just some sort of continuing after such a long, long, long, long pause~

The thing with hope is that we should always have it~
And yesterday, I had hope, today, I still do~
and I'll work on my hope every single day~

He Surprised Me On My Birthday, What Could It Mean

I have this new friend~ and we only met twice so the kind of friendship that we have is pretty much a thanks-to-facebook-chat kind of friendship. 
I was surprised when he did something for me on my birthday, I mean, we're countries apart so he asked his friend to do it (the surprise) for him. 
I'm like, he doesn't have to. I mean. Who am I anyway? So I think that it's really thoughtful of him to do so. 

I don't really know why but we don't always have to ask why, do we? I'm just happy it happened and I'd like to do the same thing soon. 

xo

Well hello there readers,

Today, well, I started yesterday, I have RE-started my application phase. That means I am once again on a job hunt. I will be applying online, submitting my resume to several companies every single day, except weekends, I think. Oh and except holidays as well. 

So how's your week so far?

What else have I been up to? 
I've been trying to gain weight for the longest time, even feels like forever trying, but nothing~ but yeah, I am trying again. 

And also today, I got a long distance phone call from one of my aunt-moms~ All the way from Saudi Arabia~ I can't wait to see her this December.

I don't know what else is there to share for today but I just had to post something otherwise you might think I am going ninja on this account again. LOL

xx

If I Could Write A Letter To My Younger Self~

I wouldn't know what to say, for real, I'd probably be too amazed that I would be able to write to my past self.

Maybe I'd tell me to take more photos with friends and family, like, you can never have too many, right?

Then, maybe I'd warn myself as well, college stuff, so that I could probably get a higher grade for thesis and graduate on time, I guess. Then I'd have more experiment time for work.

I'd remind myself to save and not-be-moody all the time. HAHA. But maybe my younger self still wouldn't be able to change that but a heads-up would be good.

What else is there to say? I mean, I've always been a "I wouldn't change anything that already happened even if I could." type of person. Too lazy perhaps.

Oh now I know, I'd ask myself to flirt more and get more boyfriends and be in longer relationships.

And to ask dad more stuff while I'm in my highschool and gradeschool years. Like live off of my parents as much as I could.

To continue my karate and piano.

To get a Mandarin tutor.

To treasure the real friends and to "nevermind" certain people.

Seems like I have quite a number on my list then~ 

I guess I have to stop before the list makes me regret certain things.

Lastly though, would have to be, choose a different degree to pursue instead of IT. I guess. That's what I think for now. I might be thankful I took it, later in the future.

Still, if I could, I wouldn't change anything because this is how God wanted things to be for me. 

xo

It's probably the setting, but all the dates here are a DAY behind~ :) so if it's June 25 here, I wrote it June 26, 'kayyy? Okay fine. Maybe not all but most. xx

I have a "friend" who I tried to be close with and it turned out that I don't really like her. Now, she's just trespassing wherever. But I'm keeping her because I want to know more about this relationship and how it will go. We don't always see each other, in fact, we only hung out a few times. I've been thinking about how I feel towards her for, probably, a month now. There's always pro's and con's in this world anyway. 

It's Time To Say Goodbye To him~ But I Still Can't~

It's Time To Say Goodbye To him~ But I Still Can't~

I don't want to say anything because I am not yet ready.

Well, hello there~

It seems like this blog is making a comeback. 
I'm still here, stuck, but I guess, not as stuck as I was a couple of months ago.

But seriously though, I don't know what to say/write anymore. So, I'm just gonna go ahead and talk "whatever."

Oh and remember my goal to get a new job, I still haven't. I know it'll be easy for me to get one but there's something that is keeping me from actually getting it. And I can't be lazy about anything but I think I already am. 

Wait, here's what's new: I like Buddha stuff, well, only in a certain degree okay? My grandfather was a Buddhist but it doesn't mean I will be one anytime soon. There are just certain things about it that I love. I consider it as a science of life because I will forever be a Christian and I see nothing wrong with liking Buddha. I went to Hong Kong with my family and I was asked where I wanted to go, I told them I wanted to go to the Giant Buddha and being there for the first time made me love it even more. So I want to visit Thailand's Big Buddha soon.

What else is there to say, oh oh oh, I just turned 24 and I'm giving myself 3 more years to experiment with career options. Well, I am sort of giving myself 3 years. Whatever happens will eventually happen anyway, so what's the point of making my plan concrete, I mean, short-term plans are easy but long ones like a 3-year plan is hard.

It's good to know where you're supposed to be. If not, then experiment. HAHA

~

On my birthday, http://justsimplenothingfancy.blogspot.com/ commented on my blog, an old post, actually, I don't even remember the stuff I wrote here, I just abandoned this blog.

Thank you http://justsimplenothingfancy.blogspot.com/ and now I'll be more active.

xx

It's one thing when I pretend and fake stuff up and it's one thing when someone includes me in her plans without my consent (believing my act). I know this doesn't make any sense but I seriously do not know what to do next especially if my SOMEONE will know about what just happened and get disappointed.

Politics is a game I play. And it's a bitch too.

~

I don't understand why Y is so depressed about not being able to speak English fluently. She cried her heart out last night and didn't even want to open up to me at first. She studies and works hard and yet she isn't satisfied with how far she's gone. She just looks at how far she has to go and I think that's way too hard on her.

I just don't think anyone should be too hard on oneself.

~

This just in~ March 12, 2013 10:15 A.M.

We regret to inform you that we have chosen to pursue other applicants for what limited positions are available. Your understanding is greatly appreciated.

[We can't have it all. Good thing this isn't the one I was waiting for.]

~

In all shades of blue: GOAL: new job

Unlike A from PLL, my A is way better, she helped me through the classifieds and so I did go on and applied. Out of 3 submissions, I got pre-interview questions from one and sent my answers. I don't know what's next but I'll wait for exactly 7 days from today and then I shall apply some more.

If you think this ink is black, well it isn't. 

~

Blur

I really don't know what this space is for nor do I know why I chose such words for the title and the URL. I'm a nobody. A complete nobody. I don't even know what to say next. I'm just like everybody else, the kind of person who always gets a misspelled name on a Starbucks cup. I'm not young nor am I old. I haven't work much to say I have a career nor am I inexperienced. It's like I am placed in between worlds, but I wonder, for how long will I be?

There's so many things in my life that I should know but don't. Let me start with what I want to do with the rest of my life. I'm stuck somewhere, I work and get bored with it in less than a year and BAMM!! look for another one.This is not what I expected myself to be, years ago, I was a leader and an achiever in school, like I was number one, so how could I possibly not know what to do next with my life?

One other thing that I don't know is how I feel. I feel it but I don't know why, to say the least. I've disliked this person for years now to the point that I've forgotten why, really why. I may be able to give reasons to other people but I can't fool myself. I just don't know. The very existence of that person annoys and irritates me. It probably is jealousy and insecurity but why should I be? I'm so used to feeling this that I probably would never get rid of it.

This post is not going nowhere, but see that quote on the right? I'm setting that as an inspiration to actually start doing things differently, and you may say WHAT IF STAYING THE SAME IS WHAT I REALLY WANT, then where's the adventure and fun in that? I don't want to be the same. We can't make a difference if we're not different (thanks Pastor J for this line).

So maybe yeah, I'm doing a lot of things the same way but I'm doing some differently now. I may have to scheme my way through it but it'll be just like the movies. I will be number one again, if not in everyone's eyes at least in my eyes I will be. Selfish? Yes. Maybe all along, what I wanted was just to be happy and proud of myself and be somebody. It's too general that I still don't know the entirety of it. I hope I find my way soon and my new adventure. I decide to move to a different country and be on my own (for real); that would be my new challenge and my own soul search. Now I have to work little by little to get it.

~