Blur

I really don't know what this space is for nor do I know why I chose such words for the title and the URL. I'm a nobody. A complete nobody. I don't even know what to say next. I'm just like everybody else, the kind of person who always gets a misspelled name on a Starbucks cup. I'm not young nor am I old. I haven't work much to say I have a career nor am I inexperienced. It's like I am placed in between worlds, but I wonder, for how long will I be?

There's so many things in my life that I should know but don't. Let me start with what I want to do with the rest of my life. I'm stuck somewhere, I work and get bored with it in less than a year and BAMM!! look for another one.This is not what I expected myself to be, years ago, I was a leader and an achiever in school, like I was number one, so how could I possibly not know what to do next with my life?

One other thing that I don't know is how I feel. I feel it but I don't know why, to say the least. I've disliked this person for years now to the point that I've forgotten why, really why. I may be able to give reasons to other people but I can't fool myself. I just don't know. The very existence of that person annoys and irritates me. It probably is jealousy and insecurity but why should I be? I'm so used to feeling this that I probably would never get rid of it.

This post is not going nowhere, but see that quote on the right? I'm setting that as an inspiration to actually start doing things differently, and you may say WHAT IF STAYING THE SAME IS WHAT I REALLY WANT, then where's the adventure and fun in that? I don't want to be the same. We can't make a difference if we're not different (thanks Pastor J for this line).

So maybe yeah, I'm doing a lot of things the same way but I'm doing some differently now. I may have to scheme my way through it but it'll be just like the movies. I will be number one again, if not in everyone's eyes at least in my eyes I will be. Selfish? Yes. Maybe all along, what I wanted was just to be happy and proud of myself and be somebody. It's too general that I still don't know the entirety of it. I hope I find my way soon and my new adventure. I decide to move to a different country and be on my own (for real); that would be my new challenge and my own soul search. Now I have to work little by little to get it.

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